02/09/2006>> Singles 2: Triple Trouble (PC)

Genre: Masturbation sim?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Perhaps it was inevitable that I would end up disliking Singles 2: Triple Trouble! For it to even run on my computer I had to download a Windows add-on that slowed my PC to a crawl and left runtime errors strewn across my broken registry when I attempted to uninstall it. Always a bad sign. But even before I began playing I was troubled by one question.

 

What is the point of Singles 2?

 

 

I only ask because the actual “Gameplay” (if it can be called that) is incredibly threadbare. Using a point and click interface that would have seemed dated about ten years ago, you get to chose furniture from a catalogue, cook meals, perform chores and wander to and from work through environments that look like they were programmed in someone’s lunch-hour going through staged conversations via the vile dullard you are forced to play as (Josh). Click the right combination of menu options and the vacuous hint you have been sucking up to in the hope of getting a sucking off from will oblige you with some tawdry pixilated doll sex. If you managed to click the right answers her sexy mate will join in to.

 

 

Humanity is doomed isn’t? I cannot for the life of me figure out what this “game” is trying to do or who it is trying to appeal to. Professional PC Perverts like me who chase sexual stimulation from professional porn will already have a hard drive full of hardcore “hentai” games which are about 10 million times more explicit and often involve giant one-eyed tentacle demons. So watching two or three virtual manikins bumping groins under the blur of the censor strip isn’t going to appeal much to the joystick jerkers and keyboard fondlers.

 

I can only assume that it is a product of the kind of slack-jawed stupidity that reads Nuts Magazine and watches Big Brother and actual believes that the pinnacle of male ambition is to be a leering, shallow sexist moron and the pinnacle of female ambition is to be little better than a prostitute handing out sex in return for material reward. Naturally it seems reading about and watching vacuous idiots pawing at each other isn’t enough and so somehow this translated in a need to experience it vicariously through this shoddy little spunk stain of a game.

 

 

This is not The Sims with added spice, it’s Myst with tacked on smut. Playing it made me really rather cross. Sexual content in games is not something that is innately bad, but when it is done with this level of cynicism and just plain boringness then it just makes me weep for the puke-brained mass of idiots we have obviously become to be thought deserving of such fare. Videogames can provide hours of intellectual stimulation. This kind of crap induces mental scurvy in a matter of minutes.

 

The music was quite good though…

 

 

Game Score

 

1.7

 

 

Reviewed By: Contributed