Title Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End Date 07.05.2007 Genre RPG Platform Nintendo DS Developer Disney Interactive Studios Publisher Disney Interactive Studios

Avast ye! Just a few days ago I exchanged me pieces o' eight for a copy o' th' latest adventure on th' high seas, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. T' say I was hornswaggled by a son o' a biscuit eater is putting it as lightly as I can be. It was a dim, dark night when it happened, a blindin' flash out o' nowhere, a sharp, piercing “din' din' din'” echoed all around me, and lookin' t' th' skies above, I swear on me hearty that th' word ‘Nintendo' lit up the gloomy clouds. Before I could even fathom what had happened, I was swept into th' unknown, and I ended up in a place I had ne'er seen before.

What happened thar be a brief tale for all t' hear.
Me thought I was a goner, but it seemed that th' gods were still bein' kind t' me. Pickin' me unshevelled, unkempt self up, I walked a few paces before meetin' up with three o' th' strangest buccaneers I had ever set me deadlights upon. They were th' fine lass Elizabeth Swann, her handsome corsair Will Turner, and a gentleman o' fortune by th' name o' Cap'n Jack Sparrow. They invited me t' join them in their travels; since I was lost with nothin' else t' do, I kindly obliged.

We journeyed through many lands, from Singapore t' th' Isla de Cruces, and even t' that dreaded place where th' souls o' all dead Jack tars lie - Davy Jone's Locker. As a landlubber who has relatively sharp eyesight compared t' th' rest of them sea dogs, th' messy polygons and muddy textures that I witnessed durin' me travels was nearly enough t' make me walk th' plank. I had seen this all before, back last year in Dead Man's Chest if I recall rightly. But it looks like th' decks hadn't been swabbed since then, leavin' th' place still as grime and filth as ever. Th' gritty look be authentic t' be aye, but that you will plummet into murky pitfalls smartlyer than your uncle can splice th' mainbrace as a result - tis not th' nicest thin' when you be havin' t' restart a fair mile away every time!

But enough o' th' bountiful sights, I be not th' tour guide for you here! Let's move onto th' good grub and grog now.
I was not accustomed t' life at sea, but as it was, thar was not much sailin' t' be had anyways. Instead, most o' our time was spent on land, battlin' legions o' scallywags and privateers as though we were some sort o' mythical Double Dragon. It was mindless carnage I tell ya. And even with our disappointin'ly scuppered variety o' combo attacks, we tore apart every foe that we met. But even we soon grew tired o' such frivolous acts, and eventually, upon discoverin' that boundin' about like rabbits with cackle fruit up their behinds allowed us t' bypass even th' ugliest mofo of a pirate - Arrrr! We ne'er needed t' even put up a fight no more!

However, thar was still th' issue o' negotiatin' some tricky terrain. Luckily I had met a few heroes aft in me days. These folk told me some survival skills that happened t' come in handy in these Carribean waters. Another lovely lass goin' by th' name of Lara Croft once showed me how t' scale mountains and leap with th' grace o' a leopard - that came handy when jumpin' across these strange square platforms that constantly shifted back and forth across th' waters. I met a Prince in Persia who showed me how t' swin' on ropes and pole vault like an Olympic champion; I thought they be useless practical skills, but they got me out o' many a dire situation when thar was nothin' but an empty chasm between me and me booty. And then thar be this strappin' barbarian fellow that claimed t' work with th' church.

He showed me how these odd subweapons could be used t' pacify these gruesome thin's called vampires. Avast ye! I was able t' utilise a similar pick-me-up system involving explosives, daggers and even a whip that strangely resembles his own Vampire Killer; no vampires out in th' Carribean o' course, but th' tool, favoured by S&M artists th' world over, took care o' all pirates, both undead and livin' ‘n' breathin', equally as well. It was fun for a while pretendin' t' be someone I was not, but I be not any good at any of it; I was not able t' leap when I wanted t' leap, instead havin' t' rely on squiffy hotspots t' tell me exactly when I could do what - how embarrassin' be that? Pirates be not cut out for this sort o' thing.

But I was and always have been handy with a cutlass, and what's a pirate's life without a good dose o' swashbucklin' thrown in? Thin's were a bit different here though. By floggin' some strange ‘touch-screen' I pillaged from an old sutler named Shigeru, I was able t' fight without breakin' a sweat! Facin' off against scallywags toe-to-toe like this was somethin' special t' be aye, with me fine strokes bein' masterfully translated into various thrusts and swin's. But shiver me timbers! These duels soon faltered in t' bein' a mere exercise in tedium. Watch, parry, strike – that was all thar was t' it, ad infinitum, until I wished I could be kissin' th' gunner's daughter. Not only were they overly simplistic affairs, but Jack, who sat o'er thar in th' corner taking swigs of me premium rum, talked about them lookin' like stiff-acted puppet shows! Th' nerve o' him! But sadly spoken for th' truth.

I had become quite sea sick by then, I wanted t' call it quits. All th' aimless wanderin' had made me groggy. And every time I caught sight o' a stunnin' treasure chest, I was put t' rope's end with some silly ‘mini-game' that insulted me intellect by forcin' me t' draw a line from one side t' th' other without hittin' a couple o' juttin' out organ pipes, all just t' open the damned box! T' reward? Many be th' times it was some elixir that was said t' boost me savvy, but I already got plenty o' that me hearties! Me stalwart companions urged me to continue on with them, promisin' a trove o' pointless cheats for me perseverance. But it was too little too late, and a bucko-ly monkey on board th' vessel clued me in on downloadin' those said treasures from some wonderful world called Disneyland; beats ploddin' through this dank land for eternity I thought, and so I announced me leave.

With no more care and no more words, we then made our uneventful passage out o' th' Dead Sea. With broken spirits me three companions returned to their respective homes in Hollywood, whilst I returned t' me cheap, poorly ventilated must-be-a-student-flat dwellin'. Thar be nothin' like fightin' it out on th' high seas, but At World's End be some place I ne'er want t' be at again, even if I were on me last breath.

T'is be yet another poxy game.

Game Score

D

Reviewed By: Kelvin Tay